Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.