well I can't set my house on fire every night
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.