in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
His hands were made for my vagina.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths