I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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