I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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