I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
