he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
