She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
