I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
