I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
