By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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