I faked an abortion last night.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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