so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
