your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
