I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
