i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
