i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize