I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
