I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
