At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
