My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
