Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
