Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
