Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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