It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
