This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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