i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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