I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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