Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Your shirt... Was in my pants
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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