everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
