Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
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