I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
