i will never coherently bang her
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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