I don't think brook has ever known best
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
