if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just invented taco cereal.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
i now understand why vodka
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
