My girlfriend figured out who you are.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
