What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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