I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
