I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
