how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she peed on how many people?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
