You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
