I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
someone get that fucking seahorse.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
