Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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