its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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