cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
