JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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