I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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