you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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