She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
