we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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