32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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