i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize