Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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