I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
