After last night, I could never be a politician.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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