Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
