I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
