I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
