I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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