M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
