please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
