Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
