I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
