Tell her she can't have a vagina
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
