areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
