Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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