You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
