i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I got inside last night via doggy door
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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