Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
