maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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