im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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