We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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