she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
