Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
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I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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