I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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