Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
