Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
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After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
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I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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