Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
