Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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