glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize