Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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