We need to start having sex underwater more often.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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