I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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