I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
