none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
